Witchy Worry
by Moskevyu
Summary: Salem makes a shocking discovery when he is forced to care for someone other than himself. Final chapter now posted!
1. Chapter 1

**Witchy Worry**

Salem opened Sabrina's door and stomped into the room. Seeing her in bed frustrated him more. Things did not go his way this morning. "Sabrina! Shouldn't you be awake at some point?"

The lump of covers on Sabrina's bed didn't respond at first.

"This is a school day. Rise and shine." Salem crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "_Sabrina_."

Some rustling and a moan issued from the covers. Sabrina still didn't fully wake up.

Salem leapt onto the bed and picked a spot he could poke. He raised a paw and arched his claws. "Don't make me use reinforcements."

Sabrina pulled the covers away from her head and blinked bleary eyes. "Mnmmnh."

"C'mon! Up and at 'em Sleepy Head! You're going to be late for class!"

"You're extra grumpy, this morning," Sabrina tried to focus on Salem. "Who left sand worms in your litter box?"

"Oh, I don't know. Everything was fine until the phone rang and Quigley left before fixing even one piece of toast. Then Zelda and Hilda flew off for some Netherworld Convention thing. Not one person thought to feed the cat! Not one!"

"Something must've been really important for Uncle Quigley to leave like that. I hope everything is okay."

"Hmph. If I wasn't so hungry, I'd be outraged."

Sabrina poked the fattest part of his belly. "I feel your pain." She felt woozy when trying to sit up. Her head pounded with a throbbing headache. "Actually, I feel awful."

Salem blinked and peered at her face. "You don't look great." He could see blemishes on her face and arms. Her lips and cheeks were very flushed. Sabrina coughed. She didn't smell good either. Realization cleared anger from his mood.

"I'll get you something to eat before Harvey gets here."

"No-no! Don't get up!" Salem attempted to pull her back under her covers. "You can't go to school like that. You'll be useless."

"But Salem, you said Uncle Quigley's gone. There's no one to call in absent. Miss Bleachstain will mark me truant."

"A simple matter. A simple fix. Now lie back down. You're too sick to go anywhere."

"Salem," she whined.

"SABRINA. BED. STAY."

"Yes, Sir." Sabrina shivered and pulled her covers around her.

Salem disappeared for a few moments. There was a knock at the door. It was Harvey.

"_Ribbit_!" Sabrina tried to call out, but she could only squeak out frog noises. She grabbed her throat. "_Ribbit_!"

"Just a second, Harvey!" That voice didn't come from her.

"Sabrina?" Salem poked his head back in. "You may want to go to the window."

"_Ribbit_." Sabrina tried to respond, then looked panicked.

Salem grimaced. "Just go to the window. I'll take care of the rest."

She looked at him as if he flipped his whiskers. Harvey knocked again. "Sabrina? Are you ready to go?"

"Trust me." Salem motioned at the window. "Don't keep him waiting."

Sabrina wrapped a blanket around her and opened her window. "Harvey?"

"Brina!" Harvey jumped from the porch and waved up at her window. Chloe joined him on the grass. "C'mon Sabrina! We'll be late!"

She covered her mouth to keep them from seeing her lips. "I'm sorry, guys! I can't go today. I'm out sick."

"Oh no!" Chloe stepped in front of Harvey. "Don't you worry, Brina! We'll get your assignments for you."

"Thank you so much! I can't wait to get over this."

"See ya' later, Brina! Get well, soon." Harvey and Chloe turned and headed toward to school. "Get lots of rest!" Chloe waved back at the house and walked away; talking to Harvey.

Sabrina turned back to Salem to ask how he did that, but the only sound that came from her was another frog croak. Salem chuckled. "Frog in throat, cherry lips, spots, fever, coughing… Classic signs. You've got Witch Pox and you're in full-bloom! You might want to stay away from a mirror for a few days."

She looked at the red and avocado colored spots on her arms and grabbed her cheeks. Panic returned to her face.

"Don't worry. You probably picked it up when Hilda took you Netherworld shopping. Young witches get this all the time. Come back to bed. I'll have you over it in two swipes of a basilisk's tail."

Salem rummaged through his cat bed for a spell book while Sabrina crawled back under her covers. "Here we are. A spell to conquer all maladies." He thumbed to the right page. "Ehm." He scratched his chin. "Do we have griffin feathers? I think we're out of season." Salem looked at her for a response before remembering her throat frog. Sabrina shrugged.

"Never mind. I'll see what I can find downstairs."

Sabrina dozed while Salem muttered his way through the pantry and Zelda's room. They had griffin feathers a week ago, but Hilda used them all to make zombie zit cream. Salem growled. "Of all the things in this house, how could you use ALL the griffin feathers? You only need one. Once they're gone, they're gone! So wasteful! So irresponsible! So… Hey!" Salem peered into box Zelda marked 'First Aid.' "An Asclepius Wand! Perfect!"

Salem bounded back into Sabrina's room just as she started falling asleep. "I found our answer!"

Sabrina drearily blinked at him. Salem raised the wand in his paws and pointed it in a triangular pattern to wake it. A red glow appeared at its tip.

"_Sanguine dance_  
_Vitality feed_  
_Draw virus from flesh_  
_Post haste, post speed_!"

The glow shot from the wand and lit Sabrina's skin. It traveled through her body, lighting various regions under her clothes. The light soon changed from red to green. Salem had a split second to register something was wrong before the light fired back from Sabrina's arm; destroying the wand and shocking Salem's paws.

"YOWCH!" Salem quickly dropped the charred wand and danced around blowing on his paws. "My delicate tootsies!" Salem quickly bounded to Sabrina's desk and dipped his paws in her fish bowl. Her terrified goldfish zipped into his plastic castle.

"_Ribbit_!"

"Don't worry! I'm merely cooling off my paws. Your dumb fish is safe."

The fish, now insulted, shot from his castle and bit Salem before diving back into his hide.

"Ow! Hey!" Salem frowned and reached for the castle.

"_Ribbit_! _Ribbit_! _Ribbit_!"

"Alright! Alright!" Salem pulled his paws from the fish bowl. "I'm a bigger cat than some uppity fish, anyway."

The fish blew a raspberry at Salem.

"I'll deal with you later."

"_Ribbit_!"

"I'm coming." He rolled his eyes and jumped down.

Sabrina unfolded her arms and let the frown dissolve from her puffy face. Salem inspected her, concerned. She looked as if she gained thirty pounds.

"From what just happened, I'd say this is a magic-resistant strain. The stuff's getting worse, too. Time to call in a pro."

Salem disappeared again. Within minutes, a loud crack and boom issued downstairs. The sounds of Salem's paws and a heavier set of feet echoed up the stairs. Sabrina recoiled to the far corner of her bed when a troll with a large-eared stethoscope ambled into the room.

"Sabrina Spellman?"

"_Ribbit_."

"Oh my." The troll fished through his doctor's bag. "This is the worst case of Mortalitis I have ever seen. We must act right away."

"Dr. Trollstein," Salem sighed. "I summoned you for Witch Pox, not Mortalitis."

"Are you suggesting we treat a bent scale before a broken horn? The first rule of being a medical troll is to prioritize your maladies."

"She's a half-witch! She doesn't have Mortalitis!"

"Excuse me. Who is the doctor, here?"

"I forgot." Salem snarled. He stepped past Dr. Trollstein and lay across Sabrina's windowsill.

The troll buzzed about Sabrina, inspecting this and that. The stethoscope felt cold and waxy against her skin. Its ear twitched whenever it heard something. The troll recoiled, shaking his head. "You have the heart of a human. I'm afraid you're too far gone."

"For the love of catnip! This is a simple case of Witch Pox! Please focus, Doctor!"

The troll shot Salem an irritated look. "And just what medical training leads you to this conclusion, Mr. Cat?"

"That's Mr. Saberhagen, and I speak from the greatest training of all; personal experience. I had it when I was a lad."

The troll turned back to Sabrina. "You may want to get your familiar checked for reverse hypochondria. He seems to think since he had something, everyone has it. Identifying as 'Mr. Saberhagen' leads me to add delusions of grandeur, as well."

"Self control, Salem. Self control," He growled to himself.

Dr. Trollstein put his stethoscope back in his bag and prepared to leave. "Unfortunately, there isn't much I can do here. It's a shame because your complexion and frog are coming along nicely. You're growing up a very attractive troll."

Salem shook his head to vent frustration and cleared his throat. "It's a pity you can't stay and help, Doctor. I'm sure you're in a rush to your next appointment."

"Too true. I'm on my way to see a wood sprite with a bad case of splinters." The troll took a step toward the door. "How would you like to handle payment, today?"

"Payment? For what?" Salem ears emitted visible smoke.

"You did summon me. Netherworld medical services are not free, especially if inter-realm travel is involved."

Salem smirked. "If you prefer immediate payment, I feel a hairball coming on."

"I'll send you a bill." The troll turned and stepped out.

"Don't let the door hit you where a bog boar wouldn't bite you."

Salem left the windowsill and rejoined Sabrina on the bed. "The nerve of that guy, calling himself a doctor. What a quack! I have a good mind to turn him over to the Troll Board."

Sabrina looked miserable and couldn't even tell Salem how she felt. She recoiled from the spots and puffiness on her arms and hugged her covers around her. She wanted her aunties. She wanted her Uncle Quigley. She wanted her mom. Salem noticed a tear of frustration glint in her eye.

"Sweetie, please. This is nothing. You'll be fine. We just have to tough it out." He tenderly brushed her hair away with a paw and kissed her forehead. He looked concerned. "Wow. Girlfriend, you are hotter than a cauldron in a volcano. Let's cool you down before Quigley makes you the new furnace."

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

**Witchy Worry, Part 2**

"Whose up for spook berry ice cream?"

Sabrina grinned at the parfait Salem conjured for her. She reached for the spoon, but Salem slapped her hand back. "Not until it's finished, you impatient thing!" He was clearly goofing with her. He made up with a wink and flourish. The parfait shimmered briefly and toppings of chocolate, whipped cream, sprinkles and a cherry appeared.

"Dig in."

Sabrina spooned herself a bite of the ice cream, but the spoon and the entire parfait evaporated into steam before she could taste it. Salem tugged at his collar and wiped his brow. "Is it hot in here or is it just you?"

Sabrina poker-faced his cheesy comment.

"Not even a titter, huh? Clearly this situation calls for a grander gesture."

"_Whether the Weather_  
_Recent or past_  
_Fill the room_  
_With an arctic blast_!"

Sabrina's window burst open and an icy wind filled the room. Snow piled on the floor and furniture while Sabrina's bed changed to a four-poster sleigh. Salem cleared some snow from Sabrina's desk and lifted the fish bowl for closer inspection. The goldfish, suspended in ice, looked very surprised. "Gotcha," Salem chuckled.

"_Ribbit! Ribbit!_"

"Lighten up." He put the bowl back. "If I wanted to eat a fishsicle, I'd freeze him on a stick."

Salem made a swan dive into a snow bank, tunneled and popped his head up near the foot of the sleigh. "I'm not fond of any form of water, but this isn't a shabby way to cool down. Join me?"

Sabrina climbed from under her covers and made a snow angel on the floor. The heat from her body rapidly melted the snow and changed her glistening wonderland to a swirling slushy mess. Salem climbed for the highest point he could reach to avoid getting soaked. He smacked his paw to his forehead. "I should've seen this coming."

"_Dreamtime changed from dusk to dawn_  
_Spread this moisture on the lawn_."

Water and slush wicked through the window and spread across the yard in a brief intense rain shower.

"Sorry for the soak, Sabrina. Are you feeling any better?"

She didn't want to tell him the truth. Instead, she put on a brave face and climbed back into bed. The snow chilled her a little too much and she started sneezing.

"Bless you." Salem jumped down.

Sabrina's look of panic returned. With each sneeze, flies and moths flew from her nose. They circled around her head. When her throat frog noticed what happened, he shot his tongue through her mouth trying to catch the bugs.

"Ew!" Salem shuddered and chuckled. "I don't remember that part!"

"_RIBBIT!_"

"Don't worry! It's gross, but the frog is eating them. Not you."

Sabrina threw a pillow at him.

"Okay! Relax! Just give me a moment to figure this out."

Sabrina reclined against her headboard looking frazzled. Salem flipped through several pages of his grimoire. "Most of this is futile since the virus wards magic." He looked at her for a few moments before jumping to the floor. "Time to consult other wisdom."

Salem stepped from the room. He accidentally left his favorite tome on the covers next to her. It quickly cured any urge to look through it when it reared and defended itself. Sabrina managed a surprised squawk as the book leapt at her and slammed shut with a very loud snap. Sabrina ducked beneath the covers to avoid another attack and felt the book grab and shake the covers above her head. She made a swift dive for the foot of the bed as the book mercilessly chomped on her comforter. It failed to notice her slither from the bed to the floor and crawl an escape until her shoulder bumped a floor lamp.

The book shrieked and zipped at her again. Sabrina threw a shoe, which it captured and mauled. She took the opportunity to bolt for the stairs with another froggy squawk. Salem poked a puzzled face from the kitchen to catch Sabrina in mid-jump over the landing as the angry book lunged for her rear end.

"_Stadann tú_!" Salem froze the book's attack with a raised paw and throaty Gaelic. "_Bheith faoi shíocháin_!"

The book threw a shaft of light on its master before it closed and floated to rest on the landing.

"Sorry Sabrina. I sealed a wandering sluagh to the book for protection. He gets a little over zealous at times."

Salem looked around and realized he was talking to himself. "Brina?"

Another sneeze issued from the den. Salem immediately pounced after three mice scurrying past the sofa. "Breakfast! Finally!"

Sabrina waved her hands and tried to warn him with another croak. The hungry cat ignored her and swiftly caught all three. She sneezed again and two bats fluttered around her.

"Oh wait. These just came from…" His joy turned to disgust. "Never mind." Salem opened a window and let the mice and bats escape. "Come to the kitchen. I made something for you."

The cat nimbly leapt to the edge of the stove where one of Zelda's mini cauldrons bubbled. The kitchen smelled of lemon grass, tulsi, verbena and honey, but what boiled in the pot didn't look appetizing at all.

Salem teased a plume of brew from the cauldron to a waiting coffee mug. "My mother used to fix this when I didn't feel well."

Sabrina lifted the mug for inspection.

"The Kiss of Iaso," Salem smiled encouragingly. "Guaranteed to flush impurities, tune meridians and cleanse the chakras."

The cloudy mixture seemed to stare back at her.

"I realize it doesn't pass for hot cocoa."

Sabrina looked at him suspiciously.

"This is my mother we're talking about, Brina. She knows a few things. Give it a try."

She swirled the cup and bravely put it to her lips. Once she started the first unpleasant sip, it made more sense to down it in as few swallows as possible.

Salem nodded approvingly. "There. That wasn't so bad."

A tickle in her throat turned to a complete riot. Sabrina barely had the cup on the counter before launching into a powerful coughing fit. Within a few moments her frog sprang from her throat with a knapsack and fishing rod.

"See? You already lost your frog."

"Ugh," Sabrina paused to catch her breath. "If that's supposed to be a kiss, Iaso needs some mouthwash."

"Sorry about that. Listerine didn't exist back then," Salem hopped from the counter. "Since you're up, how about we do something about breakfast?"

"Mmm. Waffles?"

"I like the way you think, Sister. Whadd'ya say we go Belgian with catnip and a side of anchovies?"

"Ew! No! Besides, Uncle Quigley took you off catnip. Remember what happened last time?"

"The Ceiling Gnomes attacked! What was I supposed to do? I'm handsome, but not as a cat skin stole."

"Salem, Ceiling Gnomes are a Netherworld pest. They can't exist here."

"Says you! I saw them as plain as day! There were two hundred of them! At least!"

"And that's why you're off catnip."

"I think I liked you better with the frog."

"Can we just get breakfast started? Help me find the waffle iron."

"Uh," Salem cleared his throat embarrassedly. "I just remembered we don't have a waffle iron anymore."

"Why?"

"I rigged it as a trap during the gnome invasion."

"Salem!"

"Okay, no waffles! How about pancakes? Those are easy."

Sabrina rolled her eyes. "Provided we still have pans."

"We have pans. We have eggs. We have baking soda. We have maple syrup fresh from Vermont _and_ we have bacon and blueberries in the fridge." Salem donned a collectible chef's hat from Quigley's favorite cooking show. "Set those taste buds to stun!"

"Taste buds aren't weapons. That makes no sense."

"Pardon me. My blood sugar is low." Salem hopped around the kitchen, but accomplished very little. "I also lack thumbs. Can you lend a hand?"

"You mean cook for you? I wondered when you'd ask."

"Yeah. I'm going to go look for that frog an invite him back for breakfast."

"You do that." Sabrina cracked two eggs into a mixing bowl while Salem jumped from the counter.

She was still very puffy and spotted, but she obviously felt better.

Salem slipped from the room to retrieve his grimoire. It floated and reared as he came near it. "What's the matter?" He blinked. The tome spun and growled. It tipped a corner toward Quigley's study.

"When did Quig come home? I didn't hear a thing and I'm the cat!" He patted the book briefly. "Nice job."

Salem stoked himself and strode toward the study. "Quigster! I have a few words for you. The cat is not amused!"

The large muzzle of a Curse Crosser 2000 caught his face when he rounded through the doorway. Extra glances traced Elton and Tim the Witch Smeller; loaded for bear. Tim's myopic eyes glinted with malevolent laughter as Salem panicked and fought to free his face. His angry grimoire snapped to the rescue by slamming the gun to the floor before lunging at Tim. Elton sprang a witch trap, but appeared to blow his aim. Bright light missed both targets. Salem used the confusion to free himself and bolt from the room.

"Can this day get any BETTER?" A beam of light missed him by inches as he fled. A picture of Aunt Irma Spellman clattered to the floor as another blast of light hit it. "SABRINA! RUN!"

"What?" Sabrina poked her head from the top of doorway to the kitchen. "I could use a little help here!"

"Couldn't we all!" Another blast of light shot down the hall and charred a corner of the doorframe; barely missing Sabrina. More of Tim's maniacal laughter rang through the hall. "RUN, GIRL!"

"I can't! I'm stuck!"

Salem skidded to a halt on the entry hall rug. "What?"

Another blast hit a potted plant near Salem. Sabrina shrieked and pulled her head back into the kitchen. "SALEM!"

"Choice: Run away or stay and do the right thing?"

Another blast hit the chandelier in the entrance hall. Salem barely jumped out of the way as it crashed to the floor. Sabrina called his name again. More snorts and cackles issued down the hallway. Salem looked back at the chandelier and rubbed his eyes. "I hate my life."

To be continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**Witchy Worry, Part 3**

More blasts of light shot toward the foyer as Salem bounded back for the kitchen. No matter where or how he leapt, some part of his fur was singed by a zinging beam of light.

"Those pancakes had better be worth it!"

Salem dove into the kitchen and rolled across the floor commando-style until he could find shelter behind a bank of cabinets. "Whew! Ha-ha! My service in the Wars of the Roses was not wasted! Henry VII would be proud!"

Salem looked around. "Sabrina?"

"Salem! Help!"

Salem looked toward the ceiling and found Sabrina horrendously bloated and wedged between a ceiling coffer and the stove hood pipe. Her body resembled a stuck blimp. Her clothes barely covered anything and she battled conflict between protecting her modesty and her need to escape. "Salem!"

"To quote a rather famous drippy dog; _Rut-roh_."

"Pleeeease tell me you have a spell for this!"

"I'm working on it!"

"I'm about to have a Garden of Eden moment! Can you toss up a table cloth or something?"

"Hilda keeps some fig leaves in the pantry."

"Don't get cute! Get me down!"

"Apparently humor is wasted on you, today." Salem grabbed the edge of the table cloth and attempted to yank it out from under a bowl of fruit. He nearly succeeded, but wasn't fast enough to catch the fruit before it spilled across the floor. "Smooth, Salem." He didn't have time to deal with the mess. He leapt onto the counter to get the cloth to Sabrina. As he did, Tim's cackling drew closer to the kitchen door. Elton's snorts weren't far behind. "Have the trap ready, Elton. They haven't gone far."

Salem turned his attention to the door, flattened his ears and growled.

"All right, you! I've had just about enough!"

Tim adjusted his glasses and Elton shrank behind him. "And just what is the big bad kitty going to do to us?"

"I'm sure I can come up with something miserable."

"Ha! You're the shamed warlock, Salem Saberhagen. How far the mighty fall! Defrocked and demoted to a HALF-witch's familiar. You're so weak you barely register on my witch meter. You're just like me. You have no powers, my friend. You're not even worthy as a drink coaster for my study."

"Yet, you're still here."

"Never you mind that. I'll show you mercy if you'll be a good kitty and make yourself scarce. I have work to do."

"Nothin' doin' Egghead. You and your dopey aardvark need to leave."

"Or what?"

"One of a familiar's jobs is to defend his witch. I'm fully prepared to run you screaming back to the Prison Dimension."

"Ooooh! Stand back, Elton. The mighty Salem is going to do his worst."

"If you insist…" Salem's eyes changed from bright yellow to glowing amber as his hackles and tail bristled. Flames licked out from his feet. His appearance grew more demonic as he levitated from the counter; chanting an ancient verse.

_Titim ar ais ó do bharraicíní  
Fíodóirí na uacht tinn  
Shalú nach mo bhaile  
Le do ghníomhais salach  
Deamhans agóide agus milis aingean a chosaint  
Agus a thagann aon dochar do dom  
Agus go léir a thagann toil tinn ar ais chugat!_

Salem's demonic flames and glow left him as he floated back to the countertop. He looked at Tim with a sardonic gaze.

Tim tapped his foot and looked around. "Was that supposed to do something?"

"Clearly YOU didn't pay attention in Witch Studies."

"You barely have my attention, now. I'm growing tired of this. It's my turn."

Salem crossed his paws. "Bring it on," he sneered.

"Try some science, Fur Face!" Tim aimed his Curse Crosser 2000 directly at Salem, who refused to budge. Sabrina screamed as Tim fired a blast. A neon shaft of light issued from the muzzle. Instead of hitting Salem, it arced around him and shot back at the Curse Crosser. The force of the blast knocked Tim and Elton backward; crashing into a collection of glass figurines Quigley kept on the hallway shelf.

"What witchery is this?" Tim felt around for his glasses; finding them perched on Elton's rump. "No spell can withstand the Curse Crosser 2000! It's the most powerful witch scrambler ever made!"

Salem hopped from the counter and sauntered toward the bumbling witch hunter. "Indeed. Surely that was a fluke." He fished a scarf from his robe pocket and folded it into a blindfold. "Did you want to try again?"

"Hmm." Tim examined Salem for a moment. "Some trick must be involved. There was glass around you. That's it! Reflections!"

"Oh, darn. You figured it out."

"I have a better idea, Mr. Saberhagen. Let's move this little party to the parlor. There's much less glass in there."

"Gracious! No glass? That isn't very sporting of you. I even offered you a free shot. Blindfolded!"

"Come along, Salem. We'll wrap this up quickly."

"I guess I can't complain about fast service."

Tim motioned him into the parlor and made him stand against a wall. It was the farthest point in the room from any windows. "Now, you won't escape."

"Nope." Salem tied his blindfold over his eyes. "Do I get any last words?"

Elton snorted a warning to Tim.

"Absolutely, not! Do you know how many witches tried that trick?"

"Enough to fall for it multiple times?"

"Funny time is over, Cat!" Tim fired his weapon again and its blast came back at him with even more momentum. The shot sent him and Elton tumbling backward into a sofa which overturned and catapulted them through the windows behind it. Salem lifted a corner of his blindfold and chuckled at the aftermath. Elton and Tim sat dazed on the lawn. In their struggles to regain their feet, Elton accidentally triggered a binding trap. It wrapped them head to toe in cord. Tim yelled a muffled epithet at the Spellman house before retreating.

Salem strode back into the kitchen victorious. "You mess with the kitty, you get the claws."

"That was crazy! What in the world was that spell? I thought Enchantra cut down your real powers."

"I can't match anyone blow-for-blow in my condition, but I can still fall back on some old Irish mayhem. That was a karmic hex. Roughly translated, it means all are rubber as you are glue. What you send out comes back to you."

Sabrina burst into laughter. "That's not what it sounded like!"

"That's why I'm so fond of the Emerald Isle spells. Add a little growl and you can order a slice of cake and sound like you're invoking fire and brimstone. They're especially sticky, too. Coming from a cat, that's a seven-generation curse. They'll be dealing with that for quite a while."

"I guess we won't have to worry about Tim the Witch Smeller, anymore."

"That wasn't Tim the Witch Smeller."

"What?"

"They're imposters. I picked up on it when they came into the kitchen. They knew who I was, but wanted me to scram. The real Tim would never let me go. You were above us, less than ten feet away and Elton didn't go bananas pointing you out. They didn't even react when you screamed. Plus, Hilda and Zelda are gone! They're the only two witches in this house who have enough power for him to home in on. If the real Tim escaped, Zelda'd have her visions. The rest of us would've heard about it over the Witch Wire."

"Who would want to pretend to be Tim the Witch Smeller? That guy hasn't won any popularity contests."

"Likely thieves. They knew Hilda and Zelda were out. With Quigley gone, they could blow though here without a fight."

"Well, you showed them."

Salem bowed graciously. "It was an honor." His stomach growled. "How about we get back to the serious business of breakfast? Then we can clean this mess and have you in bed before Quigster gets home."

"Sure! As soon as you get me down."

"May I suggest hair of the dog?"

"Huh?"

"Your witch pox blew you full of gas. You need some gas to get the gas out."

"What, like a balloon?"

"Perfect. Now where should we get one?"

"It's too bad today isn't Gem's Birthday. There were balloons all over Greendale last week."

"Festive while still obnoxious."

"It's her talent."

"Hey! Don't birthday bouquets have balloons? We could have one delivered."

"Those are expensive. We don't have enough money, plus we'd have to explain it to Uncle Quigley."

"Didn't Quigley say Mrs. Buckley just had her baby? That's a birthday, right?"

"Yeah!"

"Don't say another word! I'm on it!" Salem spun, shed his robe and bounded from the kitchen.

To be continued.


	4. Chapter 4

**Witchy Worry, Part 4**

Salem slipped outside and bounded a ways up the street before taking his route arboreal. He nimbly leapt from fence to tree branches making his way to the Buckley's house. A large pink bow on the mailbox and signs on the lawn announced their new arrival. "This is the place," Salem smiled. He dropped from the tree to the ground just as the Stone's limousine rolled to the curb. He narrowly missed being crushed by the stair hatch while darting for a bush.

Muffy and Charles stepped out from the ridiculously showy tank. "Come along Gemini. Try to fix that funny grimace on your face."

"Honestly, Mother. Mr. Buckley is Father's friend. I fail to see why I gave up my diamond pedicure appointment for this."

"Brianna is to be your God Sister. It is your duty to show her the Stone way of life."

"Oh brother," Salem growled. "Back in my day, they waited until you were on solids before the brainwashing kicked in."

Gem sighed and walked quietly behind her parents with Ruby in tow. He picked up Salem's scent and attempted to make a break for the bush before Gem pulled him back in line. "No potty breaks, Ruby. You should've done that before we left the compound."

Ruby stared back at the bush and grumbled before the leash tugged at him again.

"Montgomery," Charles barked. "Come along."

"Yes, Sir." The Stone's butler emerged from the limo with a lavish gift basket and a large cluster of balloons.

"Jackpot," Salem whispered. He let Montgomery get a few steps away from the limo before bounding from the shrubs and lining up behind him. The huge bouquet of balloons was distracting enough for Salem to walk unnoticed among a din of hearty handshakes, blustery congratulations and air kisses. Unfortunately, his method did not get him through the door. Ruby slammed it with a snicker just as Montgomery wrangled the last balloon into the foyer. Salem straightened his whiskers and rubbed his nose. "That was uncalled for."

The stained glass sidelights afforded a poor view. Salem hopped to a planter box to peer into a nearby window. He barely caught a glance before Ruby taunted him with a sneer and drew the shade. Salem folded his paws and grumbled before jumping back to the yard. He wandered around looking for another way in. While thinking, he watched a squirrel scurry up a nearby utility pole and over the feed wires to the roof. Several of the Buckley's upstairs windows were open. "I hate crediting a rodent for a good idea, but I'll take it!"

Salem climbed the pole with ease, but shuddered when he realized how high it is. The wires didn't look so thin from the ground. "Reasons I don't Chase Squirrels, Number Nine: Tighrope Acts." Salem swallowed hard and gingerly placed a foot on the wire. It swayed gently, but stayed manageable. Feeling better, he inched out. "Not bad. Not bad. Add a pole, hoop and trapeze and I could parlay this into some catnip money. A Cirque du Salem!"

The squirrel on the roof came around the chimney and stopped in her tracks. Behind her froze four babies. Momma Squirrel motioned her offspring back and chattered fiercely at Salem. "Now-now, Ma'am! Don't get your tail in a pinch. This isn't what you think!" The squirrel was not convinced. She continued chattering as Salem tried to speed his path over the wire. An acorn nailed him in the head. "Hey!" More nuts flew at him as other chattering squirrels gathered on the pole and in a nearby tree. "Gah! Reason Number Three: They gang up!"

More nuts pelted him. Momma Squirrel grew more aggressive as Salem got closer to the roof. She broke position and ran to the wire. "Ma'am! Please! I'm not after your family!" The squirrel placed her paws at her hips and give him a suspicious look. She didn't like what she saw and resumed her angry chattering while jumping up and down on the wire. Squirrels on the pole collectively yanked and swayed the wire trying to topple the hapless cat. "AAAUGHH! Reason Number One! They're MANIACS!"

Salem fought to keep his footing, but eventually the swaying and shaking grew too violent. He slipped and dangled from the wire by his claws, which couldn't dig into the weathered insulation. He zip lined down the wire toward the roof at a high rate of speed until he collided with the gable. He gasped and whimpered in tremendous pain. "GUUUUGH! Right in the... children." Shock, fear and adrenaline locked his claws over the wire, which kept him from dropping despite nearly passing out.

Momma Squirrel retreated to the chimney, but kept up her chattering. Squirrels from the pole made it clear they planned to finish what they started. Salem heaved his lower half onto the roof and scrambled for an open window. Squirrels lingered on the wire, but the chattering stopped as soon as he bolted inside.

"Sweet salvation!" Salem leaned against the wall and took a few calming breaths. "Another minute out there and I'd grace this yard as a handsome grease spot." He finally opened his eyes and looked around. Across the wall in front of him hung a pastel quilted banner spelling, 'Brianna Marie.' Every available shelf and counter in the room held squishy stuffed animals, books and baby toys. A cheery mobile twirled over the crib chimed a quiet music box lullaby. "_Must be a first kid_," he thought. "_This stuff is too new for a sibling_."

Salem heard movement in the hallway and looked half-panicked for a place to hide. "I hate to steal from Spielberg." He bounded to a crowded shelf and nestled himself among its cheery stuffed animals. A plump rosy-cheeked nanny bustled into the room to check on the baby. Salem quickly assumed his cheeriest, most vacant facial expression to match the toys he hid with.

"Oh! You're awake," the nanny squeaked. "Such a beautiful sweet little girl you are! You must know you have company." The nanny lifted and cradled a blanketed bundle in her puffy arms. "Waiting to receive your guests just wike a wittle pwincess! Does the chubby-wubby-wubble-bug wanna go see evah-we-body?"

"_Does Breeny-Weeny wanna gaggy-waggy? Yes. Yes she does_." A jolt of realization shot through Salem's spine and bristled his tail. The baby just telepathically spoke. As the nanny broke into a gentle waltz with Brianna, Salem caught a look at her. Her eyes had an unmistakable glint he hadn't seen since he first laid eyes on Infant Sabrina. "_The metagene! Brianna's a witch!_"

Salem fought to keep still until the nanny left with Brianna. He quickly scanned the room for any likely hiding places for Bri's soul gem. It was imperative that he check her lineage. "If the kid is powerful enough to telepathically communicate at birth, she could be the next Enchantra. If she comes up under Gemini's influence, it'll be disaster for us all."

Brianna's soul gem was nowhere to be found. Salem tried looking and summoning. It either wasn't in the house or she hadn't received it yet. The only other way to check was to ask her directly. "_At least it won't be a surprise_," He thought. "_She's talking to me, so she already knows I'm a warlock_."

Salem found a new hiding place when the din settled in the parlor. The plump nanny returned Brianna to her crib after a bottle and a diaper change. Unlike other infants, Brianna didn't fuss. She tolerated and cooperated with the buoyant nanny until she put her down for a nap.

"_Is she gone?_"

Salem crept from his hiding place and peeked down the hall. "_The coast is clear_."

"_Good. She is an attentive but annoying caregiver_."

Salem leapt from counter to crib to chat with the new witch. "_Pardon my nosey parker ways, but I'm still a bit shocked by all this. What is your name?_"

"_I'm Selenakah_."

"_Ah, the Markovas. I'm Salem. Same heritage_."

"_I know very well who you are. You were supposed to father me_."

"_Wha-a?_" Salem fell back on his haunches in disbelief.

"_If you checked the Destiny Scrolls more closely, you were supposed to have two daughters and one son with the Griffon Witch, Bella Donna. I was to be your middle daughter. Instead, you had Annabelle and Punit with others_."

"_Bella… Mmm. She was the only woman I never had the nerve to talk to_." Salem blinked back from his short reverie. "_Back up. How do you know all this?_"

"_Watch your family for a few thousand eras and you'll figure out a some things_."

"_Yeah, but nobody is born knowing everything. You have to relearn it with each new lifetime_."

"_There are ways to keep your knowledge through the gate_."

"_You must be a very ancient soul to do that_."

"_I'm not new, to be certain. I hope not to feel my age again for quite some time_."

Salem lounged beside Selenakah. "_So, how come you're here? Ancients don't turn up unless something really big is coming_."

"_Be assured it isn't the end of the world. Just unfinished business. I was happy to wait my time, but Bella Donna is turned to stone and you are now a cat. As you know, babies can't wait forever. I apologize for making alternate arrangements_."

"_You're quite alright. Considering the circumstances, I'd have done the same. Is there anything I can do now?_"

"_Just be with the witchling. She is destined to grow more powerful and she'll be an excellent ally when the time comes_."

"_Will do. Welcome to the world, by the way. I'm sorry for letting you down_."

Selenakah laughed. "_I'm not the one you should apologize to. Your son still waits conception. Impatiently_."

"_Well_," Salem chuckled. "_I'm happy to do some conceiving, but I don't get many opportunities unless you count quality time with Animal Planet._"

"_Let's file that under_ '_Things I Didn't Need to Know_.'"

"_Spoken like a true Saberhagen_," Salem laughed some more.

To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

**Witchy Worry, Part 5**

Selenakah fell silent when the nanny bustled back into the room. Unable to run or hide, Salem made himself as small as possible behind a baby quilt draped over the side of the crib. His plan failed. The plump woman recoiled and shrieked as soon as she peeked over the railing to check on the baby.

Salem would've preferred the squirrels' welcome.

Within an instant, people reacted and multiple sets of feet rumbled up the stairs. A stern-faced woman arrived first. "What's going on?"

"Ma'am! A cat! In the crib! Trying to suffocate the baby!"

"Gracious," Mr. Buckley exclaimed.

Sensing the situation escalating against his favor, Salem ran from the crib. The nanny and Mrs. Buckley repeatedly tried to grab or swat at him with hands, toys and other items. Salem leapt from counter to bookshelf trying to evade the onslaught.

"Get rid of that awful thing," Mrs. Buckley growled. "Now!"

"Working on it, Ma'am!" The nanny clumsily dove for Salem and missed as he raced for the window. He tried to run out the way he came, but the window wouldn't open. "_A little help, kid_?"

"_I'm but a baby. You're on your own_." Selenakah resumed her role as the helpless infant and filled the room with wails amid the erupting chaos.

"_Also spoken like a true Saberhagen_," Salem whimpered.

A package of diapers smacked against the wall above him. The nimble cat barely avoided collision with it as both tumbled to the floor. He dashed for any sunlight he could find as he dodged his way through kicking and stomping pairs of legs toward the hallway.

"Hey!" Gem tried to close her fist around Salem's tail as he rushed by. "That's Smellman's moth-eaten furball!" Ruby snapped his jaws just short of Salem's face as he skidded into the hall. "Get him, Ruby!"

Before Ruby could unclench his teeth, Salem used his muzzle as a springboard to the banister at the other side of the hall. Gem snarled and glared at him. More desperate than the cat, he snapped again just as Salem raced along the banister to the corner of the stairs. Muffy Stone thrashed as Salem surfed the railing past her. Ruby nearly bowled her over in pursuit.

Amid the commotion, Montgomery remained composed as ever. He did not flail after the cat. Instead, he opened the front door in a calm and stately manner. Salem nearly made a lightening bolt for the exit before he saw the gift basket in the sitting room. He remembered why he was there. "Sorry, Old Bean. I have business." Ruby crashed into Montgomery's legs as Salem darted for the basket; knocking it over. Salem quickly dumped its contents across a sofa. An economy sized jar of baby food drew brief interest. "Stewed prunes? The world is full of colors, tastes and smells and this is what a baby looks forward to?" Ruby made another lunge and Salem beaned him. "Best use of baby food yet!"

Ruby sat back on his haunches and shook his head, dazed. Salem worked quickly to release the balloons tethered to the basket. His claws, though sharp, weren't getting the job done. "Montgomery! Do something," Mr. Stone barked.

"At once, Sir."

Ruby recovered enough to make another attempt at Salem, but missed when Montgomery lifted the basket from his reach. Salem crouched inside, ready to spring again. The snooty butler made no attempt to capture him. Instead, Montgomery walked through the open door and placed the basket outside.

Astounded by his luck, Salem issued a quick spell to compound the helium and grow the balloons enough to take him aloft. The basket left the ground just in time to avoid another attack from Ruby. "Thanks for the lift, my good man!" The frustrated pit bull helplessly barked at him from the lawn while the Stones assailed their unruffled butler. "Madam Buckley requested someone '_get rid of that awful thing_,' Sir."

"Gah-hehehehehe!" Salem combined a laugh and relieved sigh as he reclined against the side of the basket. "Good thing Monty still likes to get his licks in. Serving the Stones must be insufferable work."

Salem could hear the squirrels' angry chatter as the basket rose past the trees. He paid no attention to them. The next stop was home except the basket drifted in the opposite direction. A breeze blew him toward town. Spells he knew which influenced wind would topple the basket and he didn't have enough of his own power to control them. Salem gazed at the coming skyline while scratching his chin in thought. It wasn't time to panic, but it would be if he floated past town.

A crow hopped along the ridgeline of a nearby roof, watching him. Another crow joined him and they both flew to the next rooftop. The two corvids cawed loudly as Salem concentrated on alternate methods of getting the balloons home. He failed to notice the number of crows gathering along roofs and power lines. All eyed the floating basket with great interest as they followed it.

One brave crow flew up to investigate and landed on the brim. Startled, Salem whirled around and caught himself before loosing a relieved sigh. "Ah! Some help! Where were you when I was up to my neck in squirrels?"

The crow blinked and cocked its head.

"Never mind," Salem shook his head. "Listen. I have a special delivery for a young lady in that house over there. It's the one with the slate shingles and the giant willow tree. Could I trouble you for a solid?"

The crow blinked again and flared the feathers at the nape of his neck and throat before shaking them out. Salem put his paws at his hips expectantly. "Sometime today is preferred."

With a head bob, the crow barked out several more caws. Fellow crows swirled up from their perches and massed about the basket. Salem marveled at the sudden black swarm. "If I didn't know better, I'd call this scene straight from a Hitchcock film."

Emboldened, crows made runs at the balloons. Others took the tethers into their beaks; biting and yanking. The result translated to violent swings and jerks in the basket. "Now! Now! Take it easy, guys! Be gentle!" The crows took no heed to Salem's words and kept up their assault. A few even dive-bombed Salem while another bit his tail. "Ouch! Hey! That's attached!"

"_Pop_!" Salem looked up in time to catch a glimpse of falling latex as the remains of a balloon dropped and hung beneath the basket. Icy realization shot through him. The crows had no interest in helping. They were intent on his demise. "This truly is a murder!" Salem swatted at his attackers, which egged them on even more. "Aaagh," he wailed. "Cats and crows are supposed to be allies! Why does nature hate me so much?!"

The crows offered no answer, but kept assailing the basket and balloons. Two more popped and he felt the basket lose loft. Salem fought for a peek over the brim and saw he was too high to jump. He had few options to consider, but getting closer to the ground was a priority. In light of what he went through to get them, it pained him to sacrifice balloons. Another one expired with a loud 'pop.' The crows did a fine job of ravaging things for him.

The basket dropped at a faster rate. Salem figured he could only lose a few more balloons before he reached free fall. The crow commotion didn't help his prospects on the ground. The cacophony of caws attracted attention from several neighborhood dogs. Those who weren't in fenced yards joined in chase.

Wicker beneath his feet creaked and bowed under his weight. He could see through the reeds that crows also unwove the bottom of the basket. Even with the basket losing altitude more swiftly, Salem knew he was only a minute or two from a big fall.

Another 'pop' issued from above him. The basket fell much less gently and Salem braced himself for a hard impact. He barely had time to pray he didn't land amid the dogs. The crows swarmed the basket all the way down and didn't leave Salem enough of a view to see where he headed. With a loud crunch Salem toppled from the basket and spilled over the top of a tall hedge. Momentum threw him too fast to sink a claw into anything and he wound up on plastic slide with spewing jets of water. His next stop was a chlorinated pool. He landed at the Greendale Recreation Center during adult swim. Women screamed in chorus with the crows at the dazed wet rat floundering in the water. A lifeguard with a pool skimmer fished him out and dumped him over freshly cut grass. Salem growled in protest. "It's not enough that I have juniper burns on my nose and my beautiful coat is soaked with bleach, but now I'm festooned with grass clippings! Do you know how long how long it's going to take to fix all this?! Anyone want to dip me in molasses while we're at it?! How about I roll around in some chewing gum?"

Crows continued to caw from the hedge and fence, but Salem was past his fill. He put up his dukes and snarled at them. "BRING IT! SHOW ME WHATCHA' GOT! C'MON!"

A crow swooped at him. Salem timed a spring to catch him in mid air and knock him to the grass with a loud thud. The crow screamed and his counterparts swarmed from the fence in response. The lifeguard waved the skimmer to drive them away from the pool. Salem leaped at a few more attackers before the crows made a noisy retreat to nearby trees. "That's what I thought! CHICKENS! YOUR MOMMAS WEAR POULTRY CUFFS!"

"You poor baby. Come here, honey."

A leggy blonde in jean shorts and bikini top knelt on the grass and beckoned to him. Salem was never so happy to see one of Hilda's dingy friends. He gladly came to her and let her wrap him in a beach towel while sweeping him into her lap. "_You don't know what kind of day I've had_," he thought. "_But I'll take this for the highlight reel_." He nestled against her pert breasts and purred as she carried him to her car.

To be continued.


	6. Chapter 6

**Witchy Worry, Part 6**

"Okay, sweetie. You're home now," The sugary blonde placed Salem on the porch and stroked his head before her fingers made a detour behind his ears and under his chin.

"_There is a serious shortage of this in my life_," Salem thought. He purred and pushed his head into her hands before continuing the gesture around her calves.

"You're so affectionate," she giggled. "I'm going to tell Hilda to give you a big treat when she gets home." She checked her watch. "I need to get back. Promise me you'll be all right?"

Salem blinked at her and responded with an extra syrupy meow.

"Such a pretty kitty. You stay away from those naughty crows." Salem wondered how difficult it would be to switch his familiar services over to her as he watched her walk back to her car. He kept up his demeanor until the car left his view. "If I could shed this cat suit, I'd have you planning more than a turn with the can opener, baby."

A pretty girl was a nice distraction, but not the solution he needed. Salem wished for anything other than going back into the house just then. All he had to show for his effort were stray blades of grass in his coat, chlorine stink and frayed nerves. He put off going inside by trying to think of something else he could do.

"Hi Salem! How's Brina?"

"Chloe!"

Chloe stepped up the sidewalk with a covered soup crock and a small bouquet of green balloons. "I asked my mother to make her famous chicken gumbo. It's guaranteed to kick any sickness to the curb."

Salem eyed the balloons. "Are those for her, too?"

"Uh-huh! They're left over from Gem's birthday decorations. My mom asked me to bring along something green. I figured she wouldn't want asparagus."

Salem nearly cried from relief. "Honey, you have no idea how much I could kiss you right now!"

Chloe shrank away from jubilant Salem. "Uh, I'll take a rain check. No offense, but you're kind of smelly."

"That. Yeah. I ran into some unpleasantness earlier. I was just getting ready to take a bath, but Sabrina has it first."

"She's in the tub? Oh. I guess I should go then." Chloe turned to leave.

"You could leave the soup. I mean, you came all this way. I'll make sure she tries it and I know she'll love the balloons."

Chloe and Salem visited on the porch a few moments longer so that she could leave Sabrina's homework. Once she was gone, Salem victoriously strode into the kitchen with balloons for an extremely bloated Sabrina.

"Wow. When you sit around the kitchen, you really sit around the kitchen!"

"Stale, Salem. Very stale."

"I know. That joke predates Garfield. So, how're you holding up… the house?" Salem winked.

"Ha-ha. Please. This isn't as fun as it looks. Just get me down."

"As you wish." Salem released the balloons to Sabrina. "You can thank Chloe for those. I actually failed my mission."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Let's see… Gem Stone. Ruby. Squirrels. Crows. Dogs. Flying over town. Aerial attacks. Rough landing. A pretty girl. I wish I could say it was something out of a Disney/Bond crossover."

"Sounds like an interesting time. No details?"

"I'm not really in the mood. Maybe after some breakfast. Definitely after I get cleaned up."

"Coming right up. How do the balloons work?"

"Basically, it's gas in, gas out."

"That sounds unpleasant."

"It won't be one of your comelier moments."

Salem hopped on the counter and the kitchen table to open windows. "You don't have to worry about any judgment from me. I'm taking cover." He then placed a colander over his head and stepped into the hall. "Gimme ten seconds."

Sabrina looked at the balloons with dread. The worst cough syrup in the world would've been easier to face.

"All set! Let 'er rip!"

"Ugh." Sabrina untied the neck of a balloon and took a deep breath of helium. Nothing happened.

"What's the holdup? Etiquette?"

"It's not working," Sabrina squeaked then grabbed her mouth in surprise. "Am I missing something?"

"Keep trying!"

Sabrina sighed and took another hit from the balloon. Strange stirrings tickled under her skin; culminating in her abdomen. Her stomach swelled to the point it crowded the counters and reached the floor. She squirmed and twisted uncomfortably. "Unngnnh!"

"There's no embarrassment if no one's around! Just let it go!"

Sabrina had no choice in the matter. The gas found its own way to her most convenient exits and burst through both at once. A gas burner left burning on the stove ignited the methane component. In a violent fiery blast the gas left her and lit all the downstairs windows in a bright scorching flash.

No longer held aloft, Sabrina slumped on the kitchen floor amid the crumpled and singed remains of the tablecloth.

"Yikes," Salem poked his head in from the hallway. "If brimstone and Brussels sprouts made a baby, you just had it."

"Oooh," Sabrina leaned against the oven and coughed. She tried to catch her breath.

"You okay?"

"That was not fun."

"I got that vibe." Salem helped bundle more of the tablecloth around her. "Whaddya' say we reschedule breakfast? You need to lie down."

"The Witch World is in desperate need of cures which aren't worse than the illness."

"Therein lies the innovator's curse. The Witch Community places heavy value on tradition. That's why we're still using thousand-year-old treatments. Even if new ideas are better, they're a hard sell."

Sabrina picked herself up from the floor and dusted the soot from her coverings. She turned off the burner and followed Salem into the den before flopping heavily onto the sofa. Feeling helpless and sorry, Salem arranged himself on the back of the sofa and watched her ribs move with her breathing.

"If you're hungry, there is a crock of chicken chowder on the porch."

"Maybe in a little while. I'm wiped."

Salem watched her rest for a few more moments before instinct took over. He was more maternal than he cared to admit.

Softly, he extended a paw and kneaded gently along the top of her spine. Her muscles were tight and sore from being immobile and uncomfortable for so long. One paw turned to two. Soon, massaging Sabrina involved the whole cat.

"What are you doing?"

"The ancient art of neko ashiatsu."

"Hunnh?"

"Cat massage."

"You're weird."

"You're a little strange yourself, half witch."

He could tell she grinned, even lying face down. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Aren't I allowed to show concern?"

"You dismiss anything that doesn't involve you, that's all."

"Cut me some slack. I was scared."

"You? Of what?"

"Losing you."

"What?" Sabrina nearly dumped him on the floor when she turned over to look at him. "Losing as in dying? You said this was nothing."

Salem's feelings flashed through his golden eyes, leaving his gaze deep and soulful. "Brina, Witch Pox is common among witches, but half witches don't always come through it. Things go wrong. That gas could've killed you. The fever could've killed you. I don't know what those robbers would've done, but I'm sure it can't be nice." Salem paused and took a deep breath. "If I goof up," He shook his head. "If anything happens to you, I'd be assigned to someone else. Who knows where I'd go? I like it here, frankly. This dilapidated old shack suits me. The Spellman house isn't just a safehouse. It's a home and you're family."

Sabrina made a noise of disbelief. "Really."

"I'm not joking. Sometimes you're annoying, dramatic and needy, but you're very dear and precious to me. As far as I'm concerned, you're nearly my daughter. I can't imagine life without you in my hair. You'll never hear these words again, but I love you. There is absolutely no way I'm going to stand by and watch you leave this world if I can do anything to stop it."

"I had no idea."

"I know my behavior doesn't always convey that."

"True. You're not the noblest cat."

"Are any of us? The only noble cats I know of are the two lions sitting in front of the New York Public Library. Even Fortitude skips out on his alimony payments."

Sabrina laughed and Salem joined in with a chuckle as she folded her arms around him. He decided a hug wouldn't kill him and stifled his customary response to cuddling.

...

"What in the world is going on in this house?!"

Salem and Sabrina blinked before realizing they fell asleep on the sofa. Claws dug into Sabrina's chest in step with Salem's adrenaline. Uncle Quigley stood in front of the sofa with crossed arms and an angry glare.

"I stepped out to deal with an emergency at the lab and THIS is what I come home to? A trashed house and a young girl playing hooky for a toga party?"

"Quig, that's not at all what happened."

"Please enlighten me."

"Uncle Quigley, I stayed home sick and…"

"And the first I heard of it is a phone call from school. Go on."

"I'm sorry Uncle Quigley. We didn't know where you went. Salem tried to take care of me."

"This qualifies as care?"

"We had witch raiders," Salem cut in. "And…"

"Raiders! Well! I like that better than the ceiling gnome story."

"It's true! They even posed as Tim the Witch Smeller!"

"Did either of you think to call the police?"

"What we they going to do, Quig? They're WITCH raiders. That means magic required."

"No, it means you'll pick any excuse to use magic and do it completely without regard for anyone. You'd think you'd learn something by now."

"Please don't blame Salem, Uncle Quigley. He did his best to take care of me."

"I'm very disappointed! On top of failing to tell me you're sick, you had a lot of people worried about you! I thought you were kidnapped! You could've been hurt! I called the house, the police and the hospital looking for you!"

"Really? I never heard the phone ring."

"I found the kitchen phone off the hook."

Just as Sabrina and Salem looked at each other, a loud crack issued from the linen closet. Hilda and Zelda stepped in giggling jovially until they saw the house wrecked. "Let me guess. Ceiling gnomes?"

"No," Quigley's tone turned mocking. "Salem has a whole new story!"

"Oh for the love of..." Salem rubbed his eyes in frustration. "You know what? I'm not even going to bother. You've already made up your minds." Salem leapt from the sofa and took a few steps toward leaving the room. As he did so, Hilda burst with a familiar sneeze. A moth circled her head. Before anyone could bless her, she sneezed again. One moth became three.

"Uh-oh."

"Don't tell me!"

"Hill, you're all spotty," Zelda caught sight of her skin just as she reached for her sister's face. "And so am I!"

"It's a Witch Pox epidemic," Salem sighed. "A cat's work is never done."

"Excuse me? I'll tend to the girls. You're not getting out of this!"

"Now Quig, I know you're into the whole Florence Nightingale thing, but you know nothing about Witch Pox. You're better leaving this to the experienced."

"Is that so?" Quigley fished a slip of parchment from his pocket and unrolled it. "Is that why we have a Netherworld bill for twelve golden truffles, forty-eight foxtails, and a pickled ham?"

"What?! He's with Netherworld Permanente! I stayed in network! Oh, I am _going_ to the Troll Board, now!"

"Your first stop is the utility closet. Until this mess is straightened up, you're both grounded… And there's no dinner until the kitchen is clean!" Quigley left the room and switched his attention to Hilda and Zelda's needs.

"Great. This is what the cat gets for doing the right thing. Thanks karma!"

"I know what you did."

Sabrina's voice gave him a start. Salem forgot she was still on the couch behind him. Her fingers fizzled for a few failed attempts, but she finally conjured a bowl of shrimp and flaked salmon.

"Aaaaaah," Salem nearly cried. "That's all I wanted!"

"I just want you to know, I'm grateful." Sabrina handed the bowl to him. The joy struck cat made several noises of appreciation as he stuffed his mouth full of food. Sabrina giggled. "Don't forget to breathe." Sabrina patted him lightly before zapping her tablecloth to sweats to start cleaning.

...

End.


End file.
